You Came Tumbling After
by Think-ghastly-thoughts-quietly
Summary: After a fatal tumble with fate, Nalani Reyes finds herself falling deeper into a web whose tight embrace pulls her closer to a handsome doctor who may know nothing but everything about her. Twilight forward. AU.
1. Chapter 1: dealt with kindness

Chapter One: dealt with kindness

The crescent moon's strong luminescence quietly descended upon the mountainside. The snowflakes were floating, dancing in the air around me as an aftermath of the impact.

I didn't make brash decisions, and I rarely acted on impulse. But, hiking up Mt. Rainier during twilight would certainly be my first brash and impulsive decision I've ever made.

Who'd have thought this would be a good idea?

A groan escaped my lips.

The pain searing up my leg took every bit of my resolve to muffle any sound. There was nothing more distressing than hearing my own scream and in a moment like this, even though I was only eighteen years old and I didn't know shit yet about shit, I wanted to remain as calm as my situation would allow.

I was certain the bone that met below my knee was broken because even with the padded pants covering any sight of an injury, moving put me in quick agony.

My teeth caught my bottom lip on instinct, canines broke the skin and the tears streaking down my colorless cheeks left cold trails kissed by the wind. The whimper that escaped my lips was the sound of someone who was just beginning to realize the potential depths of her aloneness.

My mother was a nurse so naturally she knew how to apply first-aid quickly. Now I was beginning to regret all those times I wasn't interested enough to ask her about it. Maybe it could have helped me.

I hissed as I tried to readjust myself. Snow crunched underneath me and I immediately got the disturbing idea that I was sinking into my grave.

I read before that when adrenaline was coursing through the body, you could fool yourself from feeling pain, let the wound numb for a short while. And yet, here I wait for painlessness to come.

If I wasn't panicking, I'd laugh at the irony of everything. In the back of my head, I could almost hear my mother nagging in that native tongue of hers. She told me this was a bad idea, and even on the phone, on the way here, she proceeded to point out the absurdity of my trip.

There was a critter. My ears picked up its shuffling in the trees. I began looking around instinctively, not because of the noise but because I had this urgent need to find my travel pack which slipped off during my fall. In it, I had my phone and since I'm 5,000 feet above sea level, I better damn well have excellent cell service. But, who was I kidding? Reception in the mountains was questionable, and it didn't matter what phone plan I had because nature fucked all equally.

Eclipsed by the shadows of the evergreens, there was nothing of mine I could salvage but tree roots peaking atop mounds of snow.

In that moment, I made two observations: I couldn't walk and I couldn't find my phone. I was such an idiot and as I admitted this, my breathing hastened.

I wiggled my cold fingers unconsciously as I leaned back into the snow. With so little light, it was so easy to spot the stars. I had spent nights star-gazing with my father; I never did so again after he died. At least until now.

With my heavy eyelids, I found trouble staying awake. Drifting in-between faint exhaustion and faint distress, I somehow closed them in the midst of possibly freezing to death and dying.

It felt like a few seconds of warm darkness when I awoke. I had hoped it would be daylight by the time I opened my eyes or even heaven...dying in my sleep sounded much more preferable to being mauled by a bear. But, either way, I wasn't very upset to be alive.

A branch snapped from beyond an underbrush several hundred feet in front of where I laid, shattering the quiet of the forest.

It was with sickening clarity that I discovered I was not alone.

While it didn't sound like a wolf, I was certain it had to be, otherwise what other animal could be out here? A bear? That even sounded worse. What with me attracting the worst possible luck, it could just turn out to be something that could kill me.

I had only blinked when the figure emerged in plain sight several yards away ahead of me. My breathing had died away upon the ear because what I envisioned of a deadly bear or ravenous wolf, I saw instead the silhouette of a man stalking forward, closing the distance between us in quick strides.

I should've been relieved but there was something...not right. The type of not right when the forecast might say there's a twenty percent chance of rain but you just know it's going to downpour. The type of not right when you're father tells you you won't even notice he'd be gone as he leaves the front door and you get that feeling you'll never see him cross through it again. There was nothing else that could explain it.

I wanted very desperately to run, but I couldn't do that now to save my life…

When he was close enough for me to barely distinguish his face in the gloom, terror turned my blood into ice. He was young, very young. His skin — extremely pale like the hair framing his face. The man's jaw was caked in black wet. At his sides, he kept clenching and releasing his hands as though they wanted something to crush and tear into.

Someone normal wouldn't act like that.

My mouth had gone dry and I hadn't noticed I'd curled my fingers into fists. There was a maniac in the woods, right here and I was at the mercy of him.

When he began sprinting forward, I'd thought it was too late to scream until something just as quick as it was dark intercepted his path. There was a collision which may have involved the two ambiguous figures and the trunk of a tree. Sprinkling chips of bark hit the ground, and it was as though a veil had fallen around me to silence any sound.

I hadn't realized how hard I was breathing until I felt the vapors of my breath hit my face.

 _Did that just happen?_

 _Am I going crazy?_

Because when you question if what you saw was reality, you might as well question your sanity too. Had I bumped my head in the fall? I'm pretty sure I would've felt some kind of pain, or hardly as alert as a person with a concussion would be.

Suddenly, a ray of intense light hit me from up the incline of the hill.

"Are you injured?" That voice belonged to a man and while gentle, I could hear the urgency laced in it as he called out.

I shielded my eyes with my fingers, grimacing at the voice cutting through the cold air. Was it a ranger?

"Fuck yeah," I replied.

His footsteps sank into the snow to mid shin as he approached me to a kneel by my side. I felt his hands lightly travel down my thigh searching for the wound.

"I can't walk. I think I broke my shin. I might even be suffering from a concussion? I don't know. I don't know," I said.

"What's your name?"

"N-Nalani Reyes. Who are you?" _And did God send you?_ I added silently.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen. Now take deep breaths and lay still."

It was dark as hell, but I wasn't idiot enough to miss the glint of a knife pass over my face. At that, I was not taking deep breaths and I was not lying still.

"What are you doing?" I raise my head only for his hand to gently push my forehead down. My hand shot out to grab his foreman. Jesus, he was wearing less layers than me and I'm freezing my ass off.

"What are you fucking doing?" I snapped.

The man glanced at me, I could see his eyes glitter just barely, as he lowered the knife in some attempt to quell my distress. Though I noticed he hadn't removed his hand from it.

"Nalani, I'm a doctor. I'm going to ask you to invest your trust in me so that I can save your leg."

"Can't you just take me to a hospital? Can't you just call an ambulance? I want to get out of here!"

I had a broken leg and I don't know what the hell I saw, so I hope this Carlisle Cullen had enough patience to handle my delirium.

"The nearest hospital is an hour away. You can be transported there but you have to let me help you first."

He could've been that maniac I saw earlier. Shit, he could've been anything, maybe a hallucination. Or he could've been what he claimed to be and I didn't like the prospect of dying. I wasn't going to give up an opportunity that could save my life either.

"Did you see it?" It didn't sound as bewildered as it did in my head, but, whatever.

"See what?"

"The…" It was so uncomfortable swallowing with a dry throat. "The man." My skin broke into goosebumps just referring to it aloud as though he would come back again.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I didn't believe him, but maybe that was because I didn't want to believe I was hallucinating.

"Just…" I released his arm and shook my head, surrendering my skepticism because I could see that it wouldn't do me any good if I kept it up. "...please get me out of here then."

He got the gist of it and started ripping up the fabric of my pant leg.

And in the midst of it all, I lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2: juxtapose

Chapter Two: juxtapose

Climbing was easily a favorite past time for my father. Adorning the house walls were pictures of him, some with people's faces I could hardly place a name to, posing atop a summit with a grin that could chase away shadows. I remember I wouldn't see him around the house for week long periods throughout the year. The neighbor next door had this nosy wife who, as I left for school, would ask for my father. I'd say he was on one of his mountain excursions. She'd say he had too much time on his hands.

Oh, man. So many missed opportunities to tell her to fuck off.

"You have your father's smile." My mother always told me, and each time sent her in this nostalgic trance that I was too afraid of shaking her out of. "Who knew that you'd come out to be just like him?"

While I loved that woman to the very bone, I hated at times how she was right. Yes, I had my mother's bronze skin and inky hair, her bow shaped lips, her dark, round, downturned eyes, even the dimple on the left cheek that my father always noted when I smiled as though he'd never mentioned it before. If anything, I looked so akin to my mother, her friends have pointed it out in absolute wonder, praising her for the remarkable likeness.

That was why I couldn't see it sometimes, how I reminded her of dad. Though, of course, some things weren't as easy to spot as others were on the surface.

It took a little bit of clarification from my mother, but at some point after my father died I realized it too. I was so much like him that she would say it was often to a fault. My mother and I argued a lot and I didn't see that ever changing in the future. It was one of the more genuine dynamics of our mother-daughter relationship, I'd admit. And during those long periods of emotional overkill, she would say that the culprit to my brashness, hard-headedness, quick temper, and annoying curiosity was my father. Every ugly thing she remembered about being married to him, she would say had been bred into me. Which I found funny because she had put up living with the very things she claimed she hated for eighteen years.

I guess that's why love was notorious for making people do rash things.

xxx

I came to in a hospital bed with a dry mouth, smacking my lips repeatedly to rid a stale taste on my tongue. The sterile smell of the hospital was a comfort because as much as I enjoyed the scent of pine, I had had enough of it for one night. A thin white sheet laid atop my body, but I could see the outline of a cast below it encasing the lower half of my left leg.

So much for believing this was all just a bad dream.

"I'm surprised to find you awake this soon."

My gaze swung to the corner of the room nearest to me where a man sat looking as exhausted as I felt. His posture was relaxed with his legs crossed and his hand supporting his chin. He possessed pretty hooded brown eyes. He looked like the type who didn't let his form deteriorate, who didn't sink into exhaustion, who typically held himself with poise and all the regality of someone whose blood had gold swimming in it. All angled features and fair skin must have been prone to garner the attention of many women. He's the type of man you'd never find alone in bar and I found it so ridiculous that he even existed.

And aside from all that perfection, there was something off-putting about this man. Maybe I was imagining it, probably was, but I hadn't noticed him sitting there before. At least, not five seconds ago.

I furrowed my brows.

"I wouldn't expect you to recognize my face," he said knowingly. "But we've met in less than ideal circumstances."

"Carlisle…" The syllables slid over my tongue as I said his name. "I … I don't remember anything after you found me."

The man chuckled and I struggled to keep a goofy grin from spreading on my face.

"Rest assured you didn't miss much. After you lost consciousness, I was able to get you to St. Elizabeth's as fast as I could."

"How'd you find me?"

Carlisle was contemplative about what he wanted to say before he responded. "I thought I was seeing things when I saw you tumbling down the hill. It had me torn between investigating or doing nothing. You're lucky I chose the former."

"Oh. Did you by any chance see if there was a backpack?"

He looked remorseful. "No, I'm sorry."

"Figured," I said, disheartened to such a degree that I didn't feel like talking anymore. We fell into a silence that was as awkward as it was when I first found him in the room.

"I didn't find it very appropriate asking this last night, but my curiosity is impossible now," he said eventually.

"Don't even get me started on curiosity." I shook my head in shame, but Carlisle seemed amused by my reaction. The embarrassment that followed brought a strange warmth to my cheeks.

"Then I'd assume that's what inspired your nightly excursion?" He expressed his question good-naturedly, with all pure intentions, but I couldn't stop my lips from forming into a frown.

"No," I said, looking down at my hands. "It was in memory of my father."

Now I felt bad because I'd just ruined the mood, and when I looked at Carlisle, I felt even worse for seeing the confusion written on his face. For having caused it.

I cleared my throat and fumbled on a few words, not confident about how to start.

Then, he raised his hand. "You don't need to explain."

"It's fine."

A small, sad smile graced his mouth.

"Uh…" I began, "It was around this time five years ago that my father took a trip up to Mount Rainier and he had a rappelling accident. I figured, why not pay the old man a visit?" Laughter bubbled from my throat. "I would've died almost in the same place he did. Am I just unlucky or stupid to have suffered so much?"

"Nalani, don't blame yourself."

Carlisle stood suddenly and placed his hand atop mine. He was so cold. The drastic difference in our temperatures was so obvious to me I flinched. I hadn't meant to, but Carlisle already took note of my reaction and he retracted his palm just as quickly. My heart was thundering and the storm that was forming inside of me had less to do with recalling my father, and more from this man's proximity.

"It's hard not to," I murmured.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said. I couldn't determine if his consolation was welcome, but I didn't feel compelled to object to his sympathy. "You must have shared a very special bond with your father to have risked going up there for him."

I shook my head, clasping my hands tightly. "I'm sorry you had to be the one to find me."

He grimaced at that, such an oddly placed thing to see on a face as beautiful as his.

I didn't give him a chance to interrupt. "If you weren't there… I'd be dead and -... Actually why _were_ you there?"

"My family takes time out of the year to travel cross country. But occasions like those are very few and in between since I'm always at the hospital. My newest son convinced me to have an adventure somewhere nearby," he explained as he sat back down.

"You have…"

 _A family?_

"... my empathy. I rarely saw my mother outside of-Oh my God!"

I shot up from the recline of the bed.

"Is something the matter?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"My mom - how could I forget? She doesn't know what's happened to me."

There was a tremor in my fingers I couldn't still.

 _Mom._

Very few individuals qualified on the list of people I dearly gave a shit about. My mother was first and foremost, she was that one person who I would ask for when I drew my dying breath. Not that I expected to die anytime soon, not that I wanted to either. It was just one of those fleeting things you happen to think about when you take a shower.

"I think you'll be okay." He replied almost too casually. It made me question whether I should be alarmed.

"No, you don't under-"

"I've already contacted her."

I looked up quickly. "H-how?"

His smirk turned idle. "Not many people have your name. Imagine my surprise when you turned out to be my coworker's daughter. Though, she was not very happy when I described your predicament over the phone."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, the words eluded me. "I'm sorry I didn't know." was my reply. This man worked with my mother? Small world.

His eyes softened. "You should never apologize for that."

Briefly, I thought there was something unusual about someone knowing your identity when you didn't know theirs.

"I guess I'm feeling guilty for having not shown more interest in her work."

"Do you contact your mother often?"

"Not lately. After Mount Rainier, I was gonna drive down to Forks to see her for winter break. It was supposed to be a surprise." I sighed. "Looks like I'll have to be stuck here instead."

"You should be careful what you wish for."

"What do you mean?"

Carlisle held my questioning gaze for a moment before he smiled. "I mean you can be approved to leave this morning if you're feeling up to it."

"I don't know." I shrugged. I was feigning disinterest because I didn't want to get my hopes up. I also didn't want him to see how anxious I was to leave. "You're the doctor," I stated bluntly.

"Indeed," he inclined his head, "And when I spoke to the doctor who treated you, besides some minor cuts and bruises, she told me you have a fracture on the front of your shin that will require you to get around in a wheelchair for a short while before you can graduate to a brace. Beyond that I don't see any reason to extend your stay. I can drive you there and have your car towed to your mother's house."

"Really? I hate to impose."

Did it occur to me that such kindness had to have some underlying motive? Sure. But given that Carlisle knew my mother, it would've been a whole different story had this man been a complete stranger. Funny if I turned out to be wrong and Carlisle Cullen was a psychopath, or something equally dangerous.

"If I thought you'd be imposing, I wouldn't have offered." He said. "Besides, my son and I were to head back to Forks, regardless if we take you with us or not. It's a free ride, and I'm sure the sooner your mother sees you alive and well, the sooner she'll stop blowing up my phone."

When Carlisle reached into his back pocket, he pulled out his smartphone and showed it to me. The screen lit up with the name Liza Reyes. I could feel my chest tighten as I was swept into a sudden urge to cry.

"Could I?" I asked him softly.

"By all means." He handed over the phone. It didn't pass my notice that his fingers pinched the farthest end of the device as he did so.

I sighed again. He was so generous I was beginning to envy him.

My finger slid across the screen to accept the call, guiding the microphone near my mouth.

"Hey mom…" I began slowly, less than prepared for her verbal onslaught.

Carlisle then rose from his seat and promptly left the room without another word.


	3. Chapter 3: the undisciplined youth

Chapter Three: the undisciplined youth

As mothers always had the last word to everything, she ended the call after thirty concise minutes of telling me I was wrong. Long after she'd hung up, her words, that had come from a tongue sharp enough to cut titanium, still had a sting to them that brought tears to my eyes. But, of course, her natural motherly response to the hurt of her child was always expressed through anger.

And what I collected from our conversation was that she was terrified for my life and it hurt her too.

The phone sat in my hands for several silent minutes when the screen alit with a new name.

 _Edward_

I swiped the back of my hand across my wet eyes, scowling at the tears on my wrist and feeling remorselessly bitter at what little I'd gained in the last sixteen hours.

 _Was it that bad, Bean?_

If anything could top off this trip, I was now without my wallet, my phone, my extra clothes, the keys to my SUV (and damnit I loved that thing). All the necessities that allowed for me to function like a typical college student: gone. I wouldn't gripe this much if it were anything less crucial and if the lost items didn't heighten my chances for identity theft.

Shitshitshit.

That meant I would have to call the bank. Cancel my card. Obtain a new driver's license. Student ID. Purchase a new phone.

Fuck.

My.

Life.

It was impossible to be angry at Carlisle; I couldn't hold anyone at fault for not obtaining my bag but that didn't do anything to dispel my ire. And even if I was insane enough to throw a tantrum at the man, he'd already made up for it. Although, with me, it did feel odd accepting a ride with him down to Forks.

I hardly knew him, yet he was so amicable to me. How could I ever reciprocate such kindness with the same level of courtesy and grace as he had?

" _Carlisle_."

My vocals traveled over a gravel throat and I cringed at the unappealing sound it made. I tried his name a couple more times before I stopped, finding it pointless to continue.

His phone persistently awoke with the name 'Edward'.

Could Carlisle have even heard me? Wasn't he right outside?

When there were several knocks on my door I was a little upset to find he wasn't coming through it.

A dark-skinned woman donned in a white lab coat greeted me with a reserved smile, clipboard tucked neatly under her arm.

"How are you doing, Nalani?"

"Fine doctor err…"

"Call me ' '," the woman said pleasantly. "You had quite a fall, but luckily Dr. Cullen found you in time. He told me that he'll be escorting you back to Forks. Do you two know each other?"

"He works with my mom. I don't know him personally," I replied. _I don't know him personally, but he seems to know me_.

"Truly, that is a remarkable coincidence." She looked to her clipboard as typical procedure called for it and proceeded to run my diagnostic. My mind was swimming aimlessly in her sea of medical jargon before she asked me again if I was feeling fine.

I looked down at my hands and too at Carlisle's phone.

 _ **Edward**_ _now: Missed Call & Voicemail_

 _ **Alice**_ _eleven minutes ago: Missed Call & Voicemail_

 _ **Emmett**_ _one hour ago : Missed Call_

Carlisle was a very popular man and his number of phone notifications could attest to that.

"I think I'll survive," I huffed, meeting her eyes. "I don't have any of my stuff with me, but I can tell you the provider of my insurance to cover any costs."

Dr. Hughes lifted an eyebrow. "You won't have to worry about that. All you'll have to do is fill out some paperwork, so we can have a record on file at this hospital, in case you have another accident. That will be delivered to you very shortly."

"Okay." I nodded, admittedly a little confused.

My mother was typically not quick with covering the bills but I suppose if her daughter underwent an accident, that could prompt her to do anything. She did tend to be straight edged when under pressure.

"It seems to me like you're good to go. There isn't much you can do about your leg to expedite the healing process, but I can only advise against putting pressure on it so that it won't irritate the injury. You may feel pain when you're sleeping and while you shouldn't become too reliant on ibuprofen as it can delay bone healing, it's okay to take the appropriate dosage if your leg is causing you discomfort. Do you have any questions before you head back home?" Dr. Hughes asked me.

"I-uh-don't think so. Actually, Dr. Hughes, I do have to ask…" I trailed off. I was struck with the image of that man again. I could swear on my life that I wasn't seeing things, but asking the doctor if I had suffered any head trauma from the fall would only confirm that I believed I was seeing things.

But, no matter how many times I argued with myself about it, there was a small part of me that declared that last night was so overwhelming, my brain fabricated memories as a result of the already horrifying experience.

Yeah. That sounded pretty legit.

"Yes?" Dr. Hughes pressed. She looked like a busy woman and here I was squandering her time with my hanging question.

"Uh…" I hesitated . "I might need a nurse to help me get ready."

"I'll call for someone. It was nice meeting you, Nalani. Drive back safely."

She smiled and left the room.

Shortly after, the next person to come through the door knocked and waited. A few clueless moments passed when I realized they were waiting for me to invite them in.

"Yeah?" I said.

I could barely tell the imperceptible shift in the room when Carlisle walked towards my bed. I could only describe it as refreshing.

A pair of baggy gray sweats were draped over his arm and he had this cheeky smile that reached his eyes and emphasized the prominent sweep of his cheekbones. Was I wrong in staring several seconds too long? Could he tell that I found him attractive? Did he care?

 _Goddamnit, Nalani, get over yourself._

"You have some missed calls...like alot," I informed him, offering his phone.

"I don't think anyone can cap off the number of times your mother has called me in the last hour," he said, "Thank you." Once in his hands, he turned the phone over, briefly scanned through the notifications, clicked it off, and looked at me expectantly.

"So, Dr. Hughes just approved of my leaving," I said, off-handedly.

"Excellent. How are you feeling?"

It was a very 'doctor' question of him to ask and I would have rolled my eyes if I weren't so afraid that he would perceive it as rude.

"I feel better than I probably look," I said.

Carlisle tilted his head, as though pondering my words and just continued to look at me.

Really looked at me. In such a way that instantly had my heart in my mouth. That brought warm blood to my cheeks. That turned me into glue. Not that I hadn't always felt scrutinized by him or terribly self conscious whenever our gazes met, but this was the first time I didn't have the strength to shake myself from looking away.

"Nalani… " Carlisle started softly. The polite ever-present smile that I had grown accustomed to seeing in the few hours of knowing him was not so present on his lips now. Even his eyes, molten gold pools, that swirled endlessly, were unreadable.

 _Careful, you can drown in them._

I felt small and vulnerable, and even annoyed with myself that I could ever let someone like him bring my resolve to its knees.

 _Please stop staring at me._

Carlisle, with seriousness dawning his face to impassivity, had continued. "... you're a beautiful young woman. Wouldn't you think so?"

The question caught me off guard.

Just as I couldn't escape his gaze, I couldn't answer him either.

My palms were sweating and I was becoming uncomfortably aware of my own body, of how it reacted to that delectable voice of his.

When a nurse entered the room, I could hear the thrum of my pulse in my ears gradually dissipate.

After a few steps, her eyes slid over Carlisle, a move she had meant to be stealthy but she wasn't quite fooling me. He returned her with a warming smile as if he were welcoming her into his house and not a standard hospital room.

"Excuse me, sir, I'll have to ask you to leave so that the patient can change," she sniffed.

Something told me she didn't usually act this shy.

 _What are you talking about, moron, so are you_.

"Of course." Then, he turned to me. "These are for you."

Carlisle folded the sweats and rested it atop my leg where his finger grazed my thigh through the fabric of my hospital gown; his touch lingered long after he'd removed his hand. Anyone watching would've seen it as innocent, so why was I receiving a nagging hunch that it wasn't?

"You didn't have to," I whispered.

"I would think they would be more preferable to wear considering the current state of your pants."

Right, he did murder them with the knife.

"Thanks," I said quietly. I accepted them because I knew I would do Carlisle a great disservice if I rejected his kindness.

 _Since when did I lose my lady balls?_

On his way out the doctor smiled at me and nodded curtly to the nurse, who had later returned me with an icy glare.

So I'm guessing she saw something beyond his gesture too.

Good.

I wasn't crazy.

Xxxx

As I was wheeled outside, the fact that I hadn't known the time bothered me. Having made it to the parking lot, the sun hidden well within the gray clouds prompted me to guess that it could have been well into the morning or even late afternoon. Which didn't slake my curiosity at all, but I was approaching Carlisle's Mercedes-who takes a car like that to a national park?-and the time would have been evident in there.

When we stopped on the passenger side, he'd taken the liberty to slip his arms under me: one wound behind my shoulders and the other under my knees.

"Hold on tightly," he said.

One of my hands anchored around his neck on instinct as he lifted me out of the wheelchair. I was so close to him in fact that I could smell him. All those memories spent in my aunt's garden when I was a child resurfaced from the far corners of my mind; I never expected to remember them as an adult.

I blinked when Carlisle leaned away.

What normal person naturally smelled like almonds and geraniums?

"Thank you," I said, feeling for the seat belt buckle.

"You're welcome."

He shut the door and curved around the car to the trunk where he'd stuffed away my wheelchair. Entering into the driver's side, Carlisle inserted the key into the ignition and reversed the car.

"Where's your son?"

"Jasper will be catching a ride with his brother. Looks like the boys have last minute plans," he said as he drove us out of the hospital.

"How many children do you have?"

"Five."

" _Wow_."

"You sound surprised," he chuckled.

"I am. You're really, I mean, just so…" I dropped my chin to my chest in mortification. When did I become a bumbling idiot? It's like I've become an entirely different person in the last two hours. Where did I go?

"Just so…?" Carlisle asked.

I didn't mean to leave him hanging.

"Young." I blurted out. "I mean, at least you look very young, that's by no means an insult."

"Thank you, Nalani. And yes, I am _absolutely_ offended." He paused with this idle, stupidly handsome smile on his lips. "All of my children are adopted, actually."

"Wow, really?"

"If you had attended Forks High, you could tell they hardly have much of a resemblance to each other besides the twins, one of which is Jasper."

 _Jasper_. I wondered who the rest of his family were. His wife was lucky to share a future with this man.

"I'd ask if you have any brothers or sisters, but by the way your mother talks about you, I'd say you're her exclusive child," he commented.

"I was raised an only child," I replied, "but I have an older half sister in Illinois from my father's first marriage. Sarah and I rarely speak to each other though. I really don't know what she's doing nowadays and dad never brought her up."

Not technically true. Sarah was married to a man and moved down to Chicago. She had no kids because she was adverse to the idea of them. I only knew these things through social media. On the one off chance that we met in Seattle when she came to visit with my dad's ex-wife, when my father was still paying for her child support, Sarah, who was eight years older than I was at the time, didn't seem to pay me much attention. Neither did I, not when I was seven years old and immersed in daydreams and cartoons.

Of course, I didn't see the point in detailing that family drama to Carlisle.

"I see."

"What does my mom say about me?" I asked.

"Do you really want to know?"

"If it's that bad, I'll pass."

"I suppose it depends on your definition of bad."

I may have visibly paled because Carlisle laughed at me.

"In the four months that I've worked with her," he began, "it was obvious she takes great pride in you. Some days you're all Liza talks about. And don't worry they're all good things. That and she tends to mention how much she misses you."

"The transition from highschool to college was hard for her," and I meant it more than just my leaving. My mother didn't deserve to go through all she had.

"Then hopefully your extended absence will mitigate her temper once she sees you."

"We can only hope," I breathed.

Looking out the window, I saw the sign that indicated we were heading northbound on I-5. The car drifted smoothly over the asphalt, across a lane and into oncoming traffic. Barren trees looked like standing skeletons that threw shadows across the windshield.

Everything that passed my vision thereafter merged, becoming meaningless, a washed out painting of disparate colors followed by the raindrops which streaked the front window of the car and, boy, listen to the beautiful sounds they made.

xxx

 _The scenery blurrs past in a haze of evergreen and spruce trees, satisfying the force that propells my body forward. I don't know where I am going, my sense of direction is skewered, isolated from sight or sound or taste. I know this feeling, yet at the same time I didn't. This was unlike anything I've ever dreamt of._

 _Traveling aimlessly without a sense of purpose seems uncharacteristic of me. Though, my jaw is clenched tight with purpose and it has to account for something._

 _I am floating._

 _My feet hardly touch the ground as if running I could escape the gravity of life._

 _It feels so liberating, having the pine scrape against my bear arms as I whip through the branches obscuring my path._

 _In hindsight, I see the tiny dot of tawny brown flash for my attention._

 _A deer climbs up the incline of the gully._

 _It stops and looks in my direction._

 _The creature's ears flatten against its head and just as I lunge, the animal leaps across the laurel and disappears into timber and brush. I pump my legs to pursue it._

 _I am experiencing quick exhilaration judging from the tension in my muscles, but in truth, I didn't want to._

 _Why amI chasing after a deer in the first place?_

 _The question hangs in my mind unanswered and dissolves in the clutches of my curiosity when I find myself catching pace with the animal. So attune are my ears that it is needless to say the air leaving its lungs vibrated in my eardrums. Animals perspire in the same way humans do when danger treaded too close for their comfort. The scent filtering through my nostrils acts exactly like smoke in that it dries the path from the top of my throat to my stomach. There is an ache in my belly, an emptiness when one went too long neglecting their hunger; it becomes unbearable._

 _My ghostly pale hands reach out, fingertips graze the fur on its back._

 _I am so close._

 _And I know I can kill it. The only thing that holds me back is that there is something sickeningly satisfying about playing with your food._

 _Food._

 _That's right, because the yearning that brings the uncomfortable sensation of burning saliva to my mouth can't be quelled unless I killed this animal for my own gain._

 _This poor thing._

 _Once in stride, white hands catch the animal around the neck and head._

 _The thirst._

 _Fingers enclosing._

 _Its blood rushing._

 _Crack._

 _Almost like a puppet, whose strings are suddenly cut from the operating cross that extended to the sky, the deer tramples forward, collapsing into a motionless heap on the forest floor. I lower myself, carefully listening to where the blood flowed strongly. Despite it being dead, my mouth is at the artery located on the neck, embedded deep beneath its coat._

 _My jaw extends, and my teeth draw from the animal what will keep me alive._

Xxx

I woke with a gasp, expecting to tumble out of bed as I often did when my dreams became too detailed and too complicated for me to explain. But, I was staring out a tinted window with the sight of a wet road and sunlight scattered throughout the clouds. I stared at my tanned hands in bewilderment. These were not the same hands which killed that deer.

"Bad dream?"

Being met with Carlisle's voice somewhat put me at ease but it hadn't rid me of the sudden hum reverberating through my skull.

I shook my head. It wasn't a bad dream if I didn't know how to feel about it.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have fallen asleep on you like that."

"I think a nap was appropriate. You could hardly keep up with the conversation." he said, reconciling my depressing mood with his light tones.

"God, this is so embarrassing."

On impulse, I waved my hand in front of my eyes only to find out that the tinted window I awoke to was my vision darkening around the edges. Panic wasn't an appropriate response for something that occurred frequently, but these effects were much more intense than usual and I was a little distraught at this unfounded sensation.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Carlisle sounded so far away.

"Would you like me to stop somewhere?" He asked again.

I felt the urge to answer him, explain what was happening to me but I could hardly talk. My hands were cradling my head with my elbows digging into my knees. I was staring down at my injured leg. The white cast mocked me. When I felt a pressure against my head, the entirety of my universe pitched to one side and with it the stars flew across my vision.

"I think I'm gonna hurl." _And I don't want to do it all over your upholstery._

At that, I felt the car decelerate and gently swerve to the side. I'm assuming Carlisle pulled off to the shoulder of the road and unclipped his seat belt because I hadn't even heard my side of the car door open when something cool was pressed against my forehead.

"Nalani, you're running a fever."

It was his palm against my skin. He was quick to be at my side. I was thankful. How many times did I have to say my appreciation? It would be endless with him, I knew.

"Am I? It must… be you," I mumbled.

Fuck, did I just say that?

"Listen to my voice…"

"I can't see you."

His voice became muffled.

"We're almost home."

 _Home_.

 _I don't have a home_ anymore.


	4. Chapter 4: cradle my head

Chapter Four: cradle my head

" _You can't keep doing this."_

 _I turn away from her. I feel irritated as though the end of my nerves are twisting into a knot._

" _Honey, I promise, it's just a short trip."_

 _I think it's supposed to calm her._

" _What about me?"_

 _I am not looking at her, but she is so angry._

 _I zip up the suitcase._

 _It feels heavier than fifty pounds._

 _The airlines will charge me extra._

 _I don't think I care._

 _I can afford it._

" _You can't just leave me here alone. What about Nalani!? Who's going to watch her?"_

Xxx

If I were being honest, waking up had never been an arduous process for me. Considering the circumstances of my sleeping habits, I savored every moment spent awake. Consciousness renewed the graces of quiet crisp mornings, when the air was cooler than the earth, that was on occasion very wet from Washington rains. The scent was practically palpable at that time; hardly would I ever miss a morning for that very reason.

But, even with that in mind, this morning would have undoubtedly been an exception.

If my thoughts were liquid then it would be appropriate to say they were sloshing around in my skull, mixing into each other, swirling, swirling, at the slightest movement. The incoherency of one's thoughts generally lead to confusion, but as I pushed myself up with my elbows, I had already deduced where I was.

I observed the room, if only for a few moments, before my eyes fixated on a picture of my family, the three of us together back then as it should have been now, which sat nearby on the desk nearest to the bed. A portrait with that same image hung on the wall in the living room of our previous house. Before my father died, my mother had always looked at it and complained how much the store had charged for the photography session. After my father died, my mother pretended the portrait never existed. I reached over and took the picture in cold hands, trembling fingers wiped off the layer of dust that had accumulated over the months.

" I often wonder if you're my daughter."

I'd sensed she was there, brooding in front of the closed door, thinking that prolonging my ignorance would delay her confrontation. It was slightly creepy that the light wasn't on with a woman glaring at me in a room where the blinds were drawn. Maybe that explained my overwhelming nervousness.

I looked up and rested the picture in my lap. "Hi mom, you look so beautiful."

"...I don't understand you," she shook her head. "-no one in their right mind would go up that mountain at night, I don't think they would, even in their wrong mind. There is something in your head, girl."

"I know. I'm sorry," I said.

"Are you stupid? Where is your sense? You want to kill to me, don't you? Don't you care? You're not going to answer me?"

"I do care…" I muttered, consciously aware of the words that I said and of the words I was going to say all while thinking that this was not how I envisioned reuniting with my mother after almost a year without seeing her. "I just wanted to see. Don't you ever see dad too, in your dreams? I thought if I went up there I could finally give this a rest. I can finally sleep at night without waking up constantly to the ghost of him. But, I was wrong-please, I know."

"You've always seen things you weren't supposed to. Know things you aren't supposed to. We should have you see a therapist."

"I don't need to see a shrink...I just…"

Staring at her was a small task that I failed to accomplish when I succumbed to staring at the picture instead. It was hard not letting the smiling face of my dead father in the photograph get to me.

If my eyes hadn't flickered towards the opening door, tears would have gathered.

"Is this your daughter?"

The face slipping through the door arrested me, from her soft lips to her soft eyes, with her soft surprise.

"Oops, I didn't mean to intrude, Liza," she said.

My mother turned to her, stepping back towards the bed. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you waiting in the living room like that. You two must have heard everything."

With the two women standing side by side, I noticed slightly dismayed that my mother must have been thirty years older than this rather youthful looking woman in her smart collared shirt and pleated trousers.

"No, it's fine. It's so good to see her finally awake." The stranger hadn't averted her gaze from me and I stiffened like a deer in a bear's line of sight. "She looks so much like you, it's breathtaking."

"Thank you, Esme," my mother replied.

Finally, she looked away, her attention fixed on my mother, and all at once, I could find the air to breathe. "Perhaps, if you'd like, Carlisle and I can come back another time."

 _Carlisle._

His name stuck like glue and it was in an instant the pieces fell into place. This was his wife. And she was lovely.

"I hate myself for saying this, but yes," my mother agreed, "that would be greatly appreciated. Nalani and I have… much to catch up on."

"Of course. We have to return to the kids anyways before disaster erupts," Esme sighed and glanced at the clock on the bedroom wall. "I would still love to get to know your daughter at another time."

As my mother stepped forward to follow Esme, the woman promptly stopped her. "No. We can see ourselves out, you don't have to go through all the trouble."

"Thank you so much again." When my mother placed a friendly hand on Esme's shoulder, I wondered how close they actually were. "Please tell Dr. Cullen I am in his debt."

"There's no need for that." Esme smiled and her caramel eyes briefly slid over me. "Enjoy your afternoon and get better, Nalani."

The woman disappeared and minutes had passed after I heard the engine of the car outside rev out and fade as they had driven away.

My mother stared through me, arms crossed over her chest,contemplating deeply of what, I had no clue.

"I thought it was still morning," I muttered while taking the picture in my lap and replacing it on the desk face down.

"What would you have done had Dr. Cullen not been there?" She asked. I would have thought the answer was obvious, and because I thought the answer was obvious I replied with natural jokery.

"Probably would've dragged myself up the hill and called 911. Honestly, I didn't even need him."

"Mm-hm. You are just like your father."

And, for once, I was glad she said it. It meant I hadn't changed.

So, had she?

My mother went over to her desk and turned the family picture upright. "Dr. Cullen told me you had one of your episodes in his car."

 _Dr. Cullen._ Is that how I'd refer to him from now on? However, I doubted I'd ever have to use it. I doubted I'd ever see him.

"Did you tell him about my condition?" I asked.

"Yes. He's very invested in your safety." She smiled crookedly. "It's probably because you're my daughter."

I pursed my lips and swung another gaze around the room. "Had I known you would move here, I would've taken a few days off to help you."

"I sent you to your Uncle Micky's place for a reason. You needed to focus on school."

By the forlorn tone of her voice, one would have thought she had me exiled instead.

"So, how have you been holding up?" I asked.

"I'm settling," She said, her curt response left no room for further question.

I wavered, unsure of how to continue the conversation; it was a difficult enough task trying to evade the topic of my accident. "How did you meet Car-Dr. Cullen? Besides him being your boss."

"He's not my boss. That is a common misconception, Nalani." My mother frowned. "We work closely together. He can write me up as easily as I can do the same to him, however he's never given me a reason to do that."

"Okay so… How close are you two?"

"He's twenty years younger than me."

"I wasn't insinuating."

My mother walked over to the window and pulled the blinds. The daylight rendered me blind for a few moments and as my eyes adjusted, she continued, "Dr. Cullen is amazing, I am indebted to him. He has such a wonderful family."

"How is he wonderful?"

"I said "amazing" not "wonderful"."

"No, really, I'm curious."

"It's not important right now." Her mouth set into a stern, unreadable line; I couldn't decipher the source of it. "You should sleep some more while I make us something to eat."

"This is your room isn't it? I can sleep somewhere during my stay. I remember on the phone you told me you started having back problems."

"Did I? Don't worry about it then. That was a long time ago." she waved a hand, nonchalantly. "I can sleep in the guest bedroom. Besides, I don't want to move you."

As she left, I rued that I would have spend an entire month reconciling my idiocy with her.

 _Fun._


	5. Chapter 5: malicious were her claws

Chapter Five: malicious were her claws

" _Stop it. I'm not in the mood."_

 _Hands grope between my thighs._

 _I push them away._

 _They return with annoying persistence._

" _C'mon, Liza, what's made tonight any different?"_

" _Get your hands off me."_

" _It's your husband, isn't it? What's he done this time?"_

 _My tongue moves in my mouth. There are words resting on them._

 _I speak._

" _I think he knows."_

Xxx

At first, I was rather content snuggling in the warmth of the comforter. But, when the reality hit me that I had wasted the last two days in my mother's bed, watching whatever program aired on the T.V., and binge eating on whatever was sitting in the house pantry, I was wrought with a sense of idleness that one only gets after they've eaten an entire bag of chips.

At the soonest I could get my hands on a phone and the motivation to burrow into adult work, I'd spent several hours juggling several callers, one of which included my uncle who'd undergone a similar ordeal as me. although he was legitimately ripped off after a telemarketer sweet talked him into giving up his social security number. Uncle Micky wasn't so thrilled about retelling the story but I couldn't help but asking.

By nine o'clock, I thought better of my current position and grabbed the remote from the bedside, pointing it at the television as it flicked off. With some success, I hobbled in the direction of the master bathroom without wreaking pain upon my shin.

Then, the doorbell pealed down the hall. It's echoes shattered the quiet of the house.

My foot pressed firmly to ground as I halted. If I pretended I wasn't here…

I groaned when the doorbell rang again several more times. I scaled the nearest wall for support to keep weight off my leg as I made my excruciating trek to the main door-either it was stubbornness or my blind stupidity, it hadn't occurred to me before that I could navigate throughout the house with the wheelchair that was available to me-perhaps it was the ladder, considering how unsuccessful I've been at demonstrating my common sense. My limping at a snail's pace should have deterred any visitor, but alas, the ringing hadn't ceased as did my desire to just jump back in bed and pull the covers over my head. Part of me was grateful though, because whoever dropped by had motivated me to get off my ass.

Once I made it to the foyer, I unlocked the door and swung it open.

It struck me then that I should've checked through the peephole in case any sketchy looking creeps happened to land on my mother's doormat by accident or otherwise.

I was stunned, however, to be met with a girl instead. She couldn't have been that much younger than me and yet I felt much older like the world's already gotten to me, smothering me into the dirt with its heel, whereas this person radiated her own sunshine that could sustain a garden. It was slightly discomfiting to see.

"Good morning, Nalani!" she greeted. With her pixie cut hair and heart shaped face, I couldn't think of one explanation as to why she was here.

"Who are you?" I snapped and instantly thought better of my response. "I'm sorry." I said, " I just woke up and I hardly look decent. Are you here for my mom?"

The girl snorted, tossing my apology haphazardly aside. "It's a Tuesday, no need to explain yourself." Her eyes took in my injuries and she gasped. "That looks like it hurt."

"Yeah it did," I replied glumly. I stepped aside and waved to the interior. "Please, come in and make yourself at home. Who are you?" This time, I didn't sound like a cranky bitch who'd just woken up when I asked her that question on the first round.

"Thanks." She brightened considerably and sauntered in, admiring my mother's small dwelling. "My name is Alice." Swinging a brief glance to the living room on the right and then to the quaint kitchen on the left, Alice went over to the island and seated herself in one of the stools.

"So, how do you know my mother?" I said.

As I walked over to Alice, I suppressed the whine at every step that shot pain up my leg.

"My father works at the same hospital as her," she replied.

"Dr . Cullen?"

"I'd be disappointed if you got it wrong." She winked.

"Would you like anything to drink?" I offered.

"I think I'll pass. Thanks though."

I shuffled around the space for few minutes, ferreting around the cupboards when Alice interrupted my search with her voice that, now that I was listening to it more, sounded akin to a bell. My eyes had landed on a bottle of cognac, hidden in the shadows of the shelf.

Strange, I couldn't recall a time my mother drank.

"If you're looking for the coffee, it's on the upper shelf, farthest on the right." She must have read the confusion on my face when I looked at her because she quickly added, "I helped your mother move in this past summer."

I was going to ask how she could have foreseen my craving for coffee. Did I look that much like a caffeine addict? Do coffee drinkers stand out that badly from other drinkers? What about an alcoholic?

"You have an awfully excellent memory," I said instead, reaching for the container in the location Alice had provided. "So….What brings you here? You must be missing out on bio class or something." I set it down on the counter and started the pot of coffee.

"I look that much of a high schooler, huh?"

"That too." I chuckled and looked at her. "You're dad told me all of you are in highschool when we drove down."

"It's lovely hearing you two get along."

 _Does he not usually get along with strangers?_

"I came here to see you actually." She admitted shamelessly. Cheerfully. To be honest, her optimism was _actually becoming_ inspiriting. An awfully good change from my brooding these past two days. "Ever since your mom moved here five months ago, she's made a name for herself at Forks." Alice giggled. " Mrs. Reyes is always proactive in a lot of the charity events that happen around here, when she's not at the hospital, that is. And she's made fast friends with the police chief."

"Who's that?" I leaned across the counter and rubbed the drowsiness from my eyes with back of my hand.

"Chief Swan. She treated his daughter after some crazy car accident at my school's parking lot and they got to know each other afterwards. Luckily, Bella came out of that with only a broken arm and a concussion. My dad still feels bad he wasn't on duty at the time; honestly, he blames himself for being with the family. It's things like that that makes him so afraid of taking time off to go out with us on trips."

"I'm sorry for both Bella and your father." I said, looking down at my hands.

 _My family takes time out of the year to travel cross country. But occasions like those are very few and in between since I'm always at the hospital._

"Yeah. But, on the bright side, we've got your mom." Alice said suddenly.

"I'm glad." There was more to my mother's ties to the Cullens than a simple workplace relationship and I couldn't place my feelings for it. Obviously, I couldn't say it was a bad thing.

But, she was doing so well, that she found a life to be proud of. And hearing that the people loved her this much...

It made me jealous.

"Do you come here often?" I asked.

Alice shrugged. "Just whenever our mother has dishes she wants to cook for Mrs. Reyes. I usually volunteer to drop them off. Which reminds me, you can tell your mother that my mother said it was okay to keep the tupperware. She doesn't need to finish the food so quickly just to give it back. Esme can always get tons more."

"I met your mother yesterday."

"We look so much alike don't we?"

"Uhh…"

"I'm just playing around. All of the Cullens are adopted. But, Carlisle must've already told you that much."

I nodded. "It must be great living in such a big family. There must never be a-"

"Dull moment?" she interjected.

"You read my mind." I smiled and turned around to pour myself a cup of coffee. I returned to my original position and watched Alice's expression soften and become pensive; I wondered if there was a secret behind her elegant face.

"I wouldn't say mind reading," I heard her say quietly. Then, a little bit louder, she continued. "It can get a little… small at times. Rosalie and Emmett are always at it whenever our parents aren't home, so usually Jasper and I take to the woods for some fresh air. And then there's Edward, who's as brooding as ever, and I love him dearly but there's only so much of him I can take. Really trying to get him and Chief Swan's daughter together. They'd make such a cute couple."

For a brief moment, by "at it" I was almost fooled into thinking that Alice's sister and brother had sex. I mean, it would be a weird engagement what with the whole "sibling" arrangement, adoptive or not.

Probably just arguing...or fighting?...or wrestling.

"What about you, Nalani? Do you have anyone you can call 'special'?" Alice asked, lifting her fine eyebrows.

"No," I replied firmly, "Not at the moment."

She appeared slightly disappointed as she propped her arm on the countertop and leaned her petite chin into her palm. "But you're in college." she said incredulously, " your selection of guys must be so much larger than it was in highschool."

"Seattle University doesn't have much to offer in the sense of boyfriend material." I rolled my eyes.

 _Really_ , nothing to offer.

"I'm picky and I don't really see the point of dating someone if I can't see a future with them. I've dated casually before, but they never last beyond the third date. Sometimes, I think I'm going to die alone."

Alice reached out and touched my hand with her cool, nimble fingers.

"Oh no Nalani, no, you'll find someone, I can see it." The confidence in her words made the intensity of her smile that much brighter. "Just you wait. He'll be handsome and everything you've ever dreamed of."

My smile, in contrast, was not as defined as Alice's was on her face. I wouldn't be surprised if it looked like I were frowning instead.

"I will wait," I replied.

xxx

"I'm back, Nalani!" My mother's voice penetrated the door before she opened it.

I was sitting on the couch and turned at the waist when I noticed her tightly bunned hair had loosened throughout the day as my mother waddled through the door with groceries hanging off her arms. As I attempted to rise, my mother sternly insisted that I sit down. Grudgingly, I did. Truth be told, I was on the verge of restlessness. I needed to find some way to get out of the house this week.

"Alice Cullen stopped by today to say hi." I informed her. "She knows a lot of town gossip. I honestly think she missed out on two classes judging by how long our conversation went."

"Really?" My mother replied, making a half attempt to acknowledge my babble as she stowed vegetables and milk in the refrigerator. "She's a nice girl isn't she? Alice was kind enough to help me move in when I first arrived."

I nodded. "Yeah, she mentioned that."

"Well, I'm going to go change, and then maybe we can pop some popcorn and watch a movie. That sound good?" She made her way to the her bedroom after she finished placing the perishables. Most of her clothes were in there, it must be an inconvenience for her to collect her outfits in the morning for work while trying not to wake me up. Tonight, I should offer to sleep in the guest bedroom.

My mother was in such a bright mood. I was tempted to ask her how her day was…

I hobbled to the master bedroom- I'd learned what placements of my foot would cause pain as I walked. The door was slightly ajar when I nudged it open.

"Mom that reminds me, Alice's mo-…"

I froze just as the blood coursing through my veins probably did as well. Staring at her topless when I was a child was nothing insanely frightening; she was my mother, after all.

But, when my eyes scanned her back, I struggled to even get the words out of my mouth.

"Mama, what happened to you?"


	6. Chapter 6: little do i know

**Chapter Six: little do i know**

" _Mama, what happened to you?"_

 _Hasty footsteps pounded against the floorboards._

 _I hate loud noises_

" _Where are you going?"_

 _They startle me._

" _Come back—"_

 _Stop telling me what to do._

" _Please don't leave…."_

 _I have to._

 _But, I don't want to be alone again._

xxx

 _The wind blows past the crest of the mountain._

 _I stare at the sun._

 _It is the highest it will ever be._

" _ **Ben, what are you doing?!"**_

 _I don't want to fall._

xxx

As dawn peaked through the break in the curtains, the echoes faded from my mind and with it the overwhelming feeling of loneliness which visited me on occasion.

I inhaled, but the air in the house wasn't fresh and it smelled too much of lavender. My mother loved lavender, and I bet she bathed in the scent of it. It was quite an overbearing smell.

With a huff, I hobbled to the front door and twisted and swung back the door handle.

The outdoor chill stunned my face. My eyes remained unblinking for so long that they had glazed over, frozen on a man whose blonde hair was impeccably styled. He stood on my mother's doorstep with his fist raised as though ready to knock. His golden eyes were dark and I saw his eyes widen ever so slightly at me.

"Carlisle," I breathe.

Slowly.

Hesitantly.

My mind questioned his appearance, yet I was verbally incapable of saying much else. Just a little bit, did I wish my heart could speak for me, but then I thought that maybe it wouldn't be for the best.

I was not a sad person by nature. In fact, I laughed easily and I was not hard to please. But, in that moment, I did feel sad because I recognized that whatever place Carlisle had within my delicate reverie, he couldn't belong there.

 _Wake up, Nalani._

"May I come in?"

He hadn't meant for it to sound impatient, but I felt no better because the tone of his voice was off. It was rough. Almost like a crooked line on the sidewalk. It wasn't something you noticed unless you looked down and then it really started to bug you.

"Unless, I'm catching you at a bad time?" he amended quickly.

I blinked, suddenly embarrassed by my appearance.

"N-no. Uh...Yeah, of course you can," I said, moving to the side to allow him entry. He entered the house in two strides and lingered near the kitchen stiffly. With his hands stuffed deep into his gray woolen coat with the collar flipped up to hide the porcelain skin of his neck, he looked vulnerable. I didn't want to use that word to describe him, but I'd already said it in my head.

The moment I met his gaze, I excused myself quickly to the bathroom. He only nodded in understanding. Of course, he had to have known with my ruffled sleep wear and hair that I'd just rolled out of sleep.

I made swift work at the bathroom sink — brushing my teeth, splashing my face with water, putting up my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror. Decent. Like a regular college freshman who didn't know any better about the world and whose heartstrings played for handsome, married strangers.

When I arrived to the kitchen, Carlisle was already watching me. I could see his throat bob before he spoke. "Did you sleep well?"

I shrugged and motioned to my leg. "I manage as much as I can with this thing."

I appreciated how my heart thrum in my ears. The reality of his marriage must've done its job.

Casually, I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I'm not usually so forward, but why are you here?" I asked.

His eyes flickered with an inscrutable expression. I thought it was hurt.

"I wanted to check up on you," he replied with clinical disinterest. I was almost under the impression that he didn't care. But, there had to be some modicum of obligation that held him accountable for being in my mother's house.

"I'd say I'm partly to blame for your fall," he explained. "If I had caught up to you earlier, this would not have happened.

"At it again with the leg? Please, I pity myself enough and my mother isn't going to let me forget about this no matter what excuse I give her," I said lightly, but Carlisle didn't welcome the humorous slight.

"Hence, why I said "partly." I share your mother's concern and would also like to know what had compelled you to do something so brash," he said this with a brief smile.

"Ha...You're funny." My tone betrayed my words. "Dr. Cullen, I'm young, dumb, and broke. What more do you want to hear?"

"This is a casual setting, Nalani. You can drop the formalities," he said. Then, his eyes took me in softly and I started becoming conscious of my heartbeat.

 _Shit_.

My fingers rapped the kitchen counter once as I turned his sentence over and over again, scrambling for something quirky.

"Casual?" I asked.

It was the best I could muster. Apparently, it was too early in the morning for my brain to project any sarcasm.

"Well, we certainly aren't doing a job interview."

"Yeah, but you do work with my mom. It's only polite, right?" I tried to encourage his smile by forcing one of my own, but he didn't seem to indulge me.

"Nalani."

My breath hitched in my throat as questions circulated repeatedly in my head.

How fast does it take for someone to cross a room? How fast does it take for someone to travel six paces? What if they were sprinting, how long would it take? Three seconds? Two? One? It sure as hell wouldn't have taken an instant.

Yet—

"What made you do such a reckless thing?" His question interrupted my hectic train of thought.

Carlisle was standing in front of me.

So close I could drown in his golden eyes which regarded me carefully. I could feel the muscles in my face quiver in nervousness under his scrutiny.

Then, I was reminded achingly that every aspect of his life made my meaningless longings more absurd. He was married to a lovely woman. He had children. He was a respected doctor who worked with my mother-

 _Mama_.

The spell broke.

And I stepped away in shame.

It seemed my entire body had shifted from him a mile even though we were only physically separated by an arm's length.

As he stared at my face, my gaze flickered to his feet and watched as he stepped forward. Once again, our bodies were barely touching.

"Have you ever imagined...what it's like to be in someone else's shoes?" I asked him, trying to steel myself but, I've never felt so overwhelmed by all these sensations and worries simultaneously colliding with each other.

"I try to understand," he answered.

"Sometimes trying is not enough," I said, catching sight of his hand laying flat on the kitchen island. I involuntarily thought of our time in the hospital. His concern. His attention. His kindness. I could not think of one person who could compete with his charity. Between the hospital and now it felt as though an eternity had passed, and every night since then I had scolded myself for fantasizing about a cool touch and warm golden eyes that could never truly belong to me.

"Why do you care so much?" I whispered.

My nails bit irately into my palm. I was wildly nervous. Of course, he had to care for me. He was a doctor, a servant to patients no matter how emotionally charged and difficult they could be. I wasn't special.

Carlisle had strove to hold my attention with his eyes since he entered the house. However, for the first time, he averted his gaze in shame.

"I also ask myself that question," he murmured. I felt as though that was an admission I should not have known.

And because I knew I should not have known, I had to do something.

The right thing.

I inhaled sharply. "I think you need to leave."

The gravity of my demand had incited a pinched expression to appear on his face.

I half-expected him to say something.

Anything.

 _Please. Please say anything…_

The other half of me expected him to leave without a word.

When the front door shut, I realized he'd done just that.


	7. Chapter 7: Wishing Hour

Chapter Seven: Wishing Hour

A second hand Nokia. Dead. Cradled in his hand. It would serve him nothing, but he turned it over repeatedly, studying the chinks along the edge of the casing. More like a novelty item. Distracting in its shape, its feel, its smell.

When Carlisle heard the click of her boots from a distance, he discreetly slipped the device into his coat pocket. A petite hand clasped onto his elbow, turning him to face her.

"If you're not going to give it back, can I buy her a new one?"

He wasn't humored in the least.

"No, Alice."

Carlisle shifted out of her hold and leaned over the railing, peering down at the individuals within the hospital cafeteria.

"What was so urgent you needed to see me?"

"Don't you know?"

He cast her a glance. "You didn't offer much of an explanation over the phone."

"I thought, it'd be best if we discussed it in person."

He could feel his lips press into a frown.

"What did you see?"

Alice's eyes were downcast, briefly studying an elderly woman sitting with her nurse. "Nalani won't be staying here for long. Probably, another few days at most. But, after, her uncle will be picking her up..."

"Why?"

In the absence of her voice, he sensed her apprehension and decided not to press the topic until Alice felt ready.

"May I ask you something?" Alice said.

Carlisle met her eyes.

"Did you visit her today?" she prodded.

The urge to groan became almost insurmountable.

There were obvious disadvantages to living with someone who knew more than they were supposed to, but he came to accept that there was little to mitigate the lack of privacy - he could only endure it. Just like everyone else in the house did.

And here he thought he could try to forget much of this morning's encounter.

"Yes." He answered, because what point was there in lying?

"Why did you do that?"

"You've been doing alot of seeing these days — I'm sure you know why."

Alice's visage cracked just enough for Carlisle to witness her hurt. He wasn't trying to be stubborn; it was just a fresh subject he didn't want to divulge for the sake of his time and his sanity.

" _Well_ ," Alice said, dismissive of his sarcastic tone, "She could really use—"

"I can't."

"Did you do something wrong?"

"No."

Unless, he did. Unless, he wasn't supposed to leave. It wasn't his intention to distress her; he'd only done what she wished. And if there were any physical cues he'd missed it was because Nalani was good at hiding it.

Alice looked wearily at him.

"I only want to help you."

"Then it would help me, if you dropped the subject altogether," he requested. "Forget her as I endeavor to."

Alice's golden eyes hardened. "You can't mean that," she said, resolute. "You can't. You've been waiting for seventy years, you can't possibly give up—"

" _You_ have been waiting for seventy years. I was perfectly content before you told me." Carlisle said sharply and turned away. He jerked his wrist and his sleeve inched up his forearm, he read the face of his watch. His shift would start again soon.

"Carlisle wait...There's something else."

He looked over his shoulder. Alice stood there whose face foretold hesitation.

"What?"

"Liza didn't come to work today, did she?"

"I overheard the desk mention she called. Apparently, there was an emergency."

Emergency. In the loosest definition of the word.

"That's why you went to the house," Alice concluded. With a solemn nod, she understood. "She's not coming back anytime soon, Carlisle."

He paused to register her statement. "What do you mean?"

"I can't see Liza. Tonight, Nalani will file a missing persons report to the police. And, then her uncle will come for her." Her eyes closed, her brows furrowed. She was trying hard to will another vision, but when she looked at him defeatedly, he knew she failed. "Nalani will be devastated. I think you have to tell her the truth—"

The shadow which had fallen upon his face silenced Alice.

The image of that girl living each day in agony affected him and he wouldn't forgive himself if he brought her any more misery. She didn't deserve to be condemned with a burden that wasn't hers to bear.

Some things were better left unsaid.

For her sake.

"What of Liza?" He asked.

"I… haven't seen it yet. But, what are we going to do if she tells?"

"If it happens, she'll be at far greater risk than we will," he said cooly.

Alice stepped forward. "And Nalani?"

He could feel the heat of her glare against his cheek and concealed his grimace.

"I don't know, Alice. For once, could we simply let things happen without interfering?"

His daughter, who possessed a gift, both a blessing and a curse, whose allure demanded to be used on a whim, and who possessed eyes that bespoke of contention, reluctantly nodded her head.

XXX

It was 11:01 PM and night fell faster than any before it that year, extending the life of those impenetrable shadows inhabiting the house. The frost burnt branches of a towering oak scraped against the window pane leading into the kitchen. Wild winds had beat the roof, muting the worried tappings of Nalani's knuckles knocking unconsciously on the countertop.

From across the kitchen, she eyed the phone set sitting atop the end table, flanking the living room couch.

In the spot she now stood, Nalani winced. Even when her injured calf ached, more so than the day before, the girl walked in full stride to the ugly sun-beaten couch she recognized as a child. It used to sit in front of the largest living room window. Occasionally after school, Nalani would nap there. It was surprising her mother kept it for so long.

The woman had said the greatest value in one's possessions was their ability to maintain ties to the past. And there were a great many things — good things — that neither she nor her mother wanted to forget.

Earnestly, Nalani picked up the phone.

It was 11:11 PM when someone had answered the line.

XXX

In her room, behind the closed door, Jasper soothed his hand down Alice's back. She was fretful tonight, but he didn't quite interfere as looked past her head.

He watched just as he listened to the tip of her pen scratch at the notebook with tremendous fervor. When strokes of black ink legibly created the silhouette of a girl, Jasper backed away in alarm as his throat nearly dried to a crisp and the venom lathered his gums — the dawn of his hunger.

Even if crudely drawn by his lover's hand, his bloodlust could never relinquish the face of its prey.

Snapped out of her trance, Alice whirled around and pulled her mate flush against her. They both fell into the bed, their tangled limbs grappled at each other, desperately seeking comfort in the other's turmoil.

She was afraid.

He was insatiated.

The notebook lied beside them, discarded but not forgotten.

In it, a man held a woman.

She was very much dead.


	8. Chapter 8: owl watchings

Chapter Eight: owl watchings

 _The forest is green and lush, vast and sullen, parted by the river which winds like a silver thread. The branches of the dark evergreens bend to an impending storm._

 _As I overlook the expanse of the gorge from a vantage, the easy wind whispers across my skin._

" _Don't' you think it's time we head back, Emmett?"_

 _I turn my head and whatever transient thought I had about the landscape is forgotten._

 _The boy regards me with amused eyes, but the sight of him acts like a cleaning agent, washing me with quiet panic._

 _Images of snow materializes instantly and so clearly in my mind. Branches snapping. A gout of blood stains alabaster skin. Silence._

 _The memory of carnage._

 _Yet the boy beside me is anything but. In fact, he looks like an angel whose corruption is well hidden behind his young, immaculate facade._

 _I am no less afraid._

 _I hear a scream that is none too distant from the imaginings of my own. There is an echo to it, but I know it's all in my skull._

" _Sure thing, Jazz," I say, in a voice I couldn't place to be mine._

XXX

The officer dispatched to my mother's house smelled strongly of a fresh roast. I imagined he expected a long night ahead of him.

He'd started off asking me preliminary questions about my mother. I'd answered, hoping I could provide enough to make his job easier. After admitting what I knew, he advised me to contact a close friend or a family member so I wouldn't have to bear the disappearance of my mother alone. I had told him without being prompted that I haven't lived with her in the past year therefore I didn't know much about her living habits. He'd scribbled that into his pocket notepad.

After concluding her abrupt departure was unusual, he asked me if there was anything else I would've liked to declare.

I said no.

And he left. He seemed glad to leave.

I debated whether I should've told him about my mother's scars.

There were still a few hours before dawn would break, and I had used that time to salvage what sleep I could. Morning had come without much preamble and as I escaped my slumber, I could recall the faint smell of almonds and geraniums fading from my mind.

When noon rolled around, I finished my shower, albeit begrudgingly managing what I could with my cast, doing my best to prevent it from getting wet by covering it with a garbage bag. I'd spent the earlier half of my day calling my Uncle Mickey and informing him of mom. He wasn't at all pleased to hear it, because he never liked her to begin with, but he offered his condolences. Should something turn out for worse he said he would be there for me like he was the latter half of my senior year of highschool.

Uncle Mickey and my mother never quite made amends after he'd discovered she had had a short affair on my father before he died. I was still too young to recall their fallout clearly, but somehow I distinctly remember I had told my mother about all the nasty things Uncle Mickey had called her during my father's funeral.

She and I never talked about the affair though. It was probably for the best.

I was at the kitchen, half-way through stirring a pan of risotto when the doorbell peeled. Turning off the stove, I limped to the front door, cracking it open enough to see the middle aged officer on the other side. He could have been as old as my father, if my father were still alive.

"Hello there," the man greeted, "Nalani Reyes?"

"Yes," I answered, opening the door wider.

"Officer Swan," he extended his hand.

I shook it. The man had a firm grip. "The police chief," I added.

His pert frown was tinged with sadness. "I'm here about your mother," he said.

Why wasn't I surprised?

"I'm sorry that this happened. I can't imagine her going missing like this. We've tried the hospital but the only thing they've heard was that she called in to miss work for an emergency. Mind if I…?" Officer Swan motioned inside the house.

"Of course," I nodded and stepped aside. I'd gestured for him to sit in the living room while I made a kettle of hot water.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"No, thank you. I don't plan to stay for very long."

Shortly after making a cup of black tea I'd salvaged in the back of the cupboards, I joined him. The man didn't offer anything helpful, only that he had a few officers patrolling the county for her license plate.

"People don't usually go missing, but when they do they often show up a few days later." He said, "Did you and Liza have an argument or—"

"No." I wouldn't qualify it as an argument.

"Then, I don't know what else to say. I don't know your mom very well, but I could tell she was a good lady. We don't have many close calls in this town, but when there were, Liza was surprisingly proficient at her job. She actually tended to my daughter after an accident on the day that there was a shortage on doctors."

Alice's words filtered in my mind.

"Maybe, she was stressed," I offered.

Officer Swan inclined his head. "Yes, that's one thing we can take into account. I did look into your mother's work history, and it seemed she'd taken extended leave in July, just as she was starting to work there. I'm assuming by your face, you didn't know that."

I shrugged. "I didn't. I wasn't there when my mom was going through a lot of financial trouble when we lived in Lacey. Her move here to Forks was definitely out of necessity, but it didn't mean that was easy either. It'd be understandable if she needed a break."

"Who did you live with if it wasn't with her?"

"My uncle on my dad's side." I answered. "I don't think she wanted me to be caught up in the situation, so she sent me away. I just remember hating to be the new kid in high school."

Officer Swan chuckled. "You and my daughter both."

"Hopefully, she handled it better than I did."

"She moved here this past August which is still pretty recent. I'm sure she's getting the hang of it though. You're a college student, aren't you?"

"Yeah. Seattle University."

"That's smack dab in the city." Then, he made an off-handed comment about living expenses and expensive parking that made me laugh.

"My room has a pretty view of the freeway, at least."

"You don't go to school to see I-5 clog up in the mornings. What do you study?"

"Double majoring in math and engineering."

"Well...Smart kid." He looked down at my leg. "Bella has a cast too, but I think she'll be getting it off by the end of the month."

"And, I have a few more months to go."

"What'd you get it from?"

"Mountain hiking. Fell down a slippery slope."

"That's why you go out when the weather's nice."

Well, the weather was quite nice that night.

I laughed feebly. "Yeah, what can I say? I'm dumber than you think."

"No, we all make mistakes. It's the learning that counts." Officer Swan reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. Checking the time, he looked at me and smiled warmly. "That's my Bella. She's ending school about now."

"It must be nice to be the police chief's daughter."

Standing up from the couch, Officer swan shook his head. "Oh, I wouldn't say that. The kids in her class tease her for it."

At least, Bella still had a dad.

He casually reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a notepad and pen, scribbled on the paper, tore it out and handed it to me.

"Here, in case you need a call."

With his number pinched between my fingers, I stood up as well to lead him to the front door, but he raised his hand. "You should give that leg a rest. I'll see myself out."

I wrung my hands together, feeling a little awkward watching him leave. I was going to end up locking the door anyway.

"Thanks," I called out. "I appreciate you coming here."

His eyes crinkled as he smiled. Silently, I scolded myself for drawing parallels between my father and Officer Swan.

"Don't worry too much about your mother," he said, "She'll come up eventually."

And then, I was alone with the weight of my mother's absence.

I was starting to hate this feeling.

XXX

"... Now, we'd like to update you on a story in North Thurston County, where a couple disappeared hiking at Burfoot Park…"

Channel five news blared on the television, airing their usual seven o'clock broadcast, when I heard a knock on my door. For someone who was a stranger to Forks I was receiving a lot of visits lately. I had thought, as I hobbled my way to the foyer from the couch, that Officer Swan came to inform me about a discovery regarding my mother's whereabouts. Surprisingly, earlier today I wasn't feeling very anxious over this as I initially was, but you always think of the worst when the authorities show up to your front door.

Considering the hour and the fast darkness of the evening, I was wary enough to look through the peephole and switched on the porchlight.

In the yellow luminescence, I saw no one standing outside.

My first thought was that maybe I had misheard something. Maybe it was the wind or my own hyperactive imagination which became more sensitive when night fell. I hadn't mistakened the sudden feeling of anxiety as something that could simply be my imagination and fear of lurking shadows.

There was certainly something I sensed, and it reminded me of the night I had faced that—

I stepped away from the door and shook my head to dismiss my paranoia, yet as I reasoned with myself, the sound of a knock penetrated the door and I yelped, my sudden surprise escalating to sudden dread. This time, I could not mistaken the knock. Someone was out there.

In the center of my being, I was confident I did not want to open the door nor look into the spyhole.

"...after interviewing some of the local park rangers and state police, they have confirmed that these disappearances have been occurring more frequently over the last two months and authorities are cautioning travelers…"

But, as my curiosity surmounted me, I inched forward, placed a hand on the door and peered again.

My heart beat deep and quick at the sight of a man who I had never met in my life. He was sickeningly pale and despite the leather jacket and jeans covering his body, I could see the athletic build beneath it. His hair was long and light like spider threads tied neatly back.

He was handsome, and I hesitated because though he would seem like one who could charm women with a slanting glance, I was not at all charmed by the darkness in his eyes, so dark I could not see his pupils. As though sensing my presence behind the door, the man tilted his head so that the porchlight spilled into his eyes.

His eyes…

I covered my mouth to muffle my gasp.

They were red.

Almost like blood.

I felt naked, even with the door separating us, even while wearing my sweatshirt and sweatpants. This was the type of nakedness one feels when exposed to danger. A cold spilled into my veins before conducting to the surface of my skin.

I wanted to tell him to leave.

Then, the man leaned his hands on the door, peered into the peephole and said:

"I know you're hiding, little rabbit."

My heart did not stop beating, but in my mind I had thought it did for a moment because none of my senses registered and I could focus on nothing else but the man who spoke. _Rabbit_. I certainly felt like a rabbit in the presence of a wolf.

"Come out and play," he invited innocently, with all the friendliness of someone who could not hurt me, but actually wanted to.

At that, a silent sob escaped me. I could not reconcile this sudden bout of helplessness.

"Who are you?" I whispered, a question I asked more to myself than to the stranger whose aura chilled my bones.

To my horror, he answered, "A friend of your mother."

There was no way he could've heard me. Not behind the door. Not when I'd barely muttered the question to myself. Very quickly I surmised he was not a friend and he had to have been using my mother as leverage against me— to bait me into opening the door.

Then, a harrowing thought came as a flicker. Was this door really stopping him from dragging me out of the house?

"I want you to leave," I demanded, hoping I could mask the emotionality. Hoping I could be anyone I wanted to be, someone strong and intimidating. Please, please, listen to me, and leave me alone.

When he smirked, I realized I had failed.

"I know she's gone, Nalani and I know she won't come back. Why don't you just open the door and let me in? You don't have to tell your mommy," he said and his smirk turned feral, showing two sharp rows of teeth. "She already knows."

Fresh tears threatened to spill from the corner of my eyes.

"Wh-what?" Then I recovered, scrambled to collect my bearings and yelled, "If you don't leave, I'll call the police! I'm giving you five seconds, I swear to—"

"How generous of you." he said.

I swallowed and I started counting. Five...four...three…

I had ran and my injured leg took the brunt of the pain but I ignored it. My hand was around the phone cradle.

Two...One…

Frantic knocking pounded on the door, nearly bending the wood in, sending my heart into a thunderstorm. At this point, the tears streaked my face, and their trails were as cold as my blood.

"Please!" I shrieked, the phone in my hand, my fingers hovering over the numbers. Officer Swan. His number was in my pocket. Yet, I didn't scramble for the note. There was a pressure building in my head. This was panic and prevented me from acting with any reason.

"Just leave! Leave me alone!"

"Nalani, are you okay? Nalani? It's me!"

The voice on the other side of the door, urgent yet firm, was one I recognized. It was so loud that I could feel the sound resonante in my chest and I couldn't imagine another human having the ability to raise his voice to such strong a degree.

In fearful desperation, I stumbled to the door. Without looking through the spyhole, the moment I turned the lock the door was pushed in from the other side. The grasp of winter entered the house and my breaths turned into short white puffs in an instant.

Yet the cold encroachment failed to steal from me my warmth, my life, when strong arms held me as soon as my legs no longer did and those same strong arms lowered me gently to the ground. Above my uncontrolled cries, I could hear his consolations coo into my ear, his cool breath caressing my neck. He was on his knees and I was on mine, leaning into him as I close as I could possibly be. My hands clawed at his back, clutching his wool coat, refusing to let go with all the torment of a drowning man.

"Everything will be okay," he said.

"No," I argued, merely a blubber, but I'm certain he heard me. "No, you're wrong. You're wrong. She's gone. She's not coming back."

"Everything will be okay," he said again. "You're okay. I promise you, we'll find your mother."

I buried my face further into his solid chest. His arms tightened around me. How could you understand? If you have ever known the loss of a parent and felt their loss in your dreams, and felt his abrupt departure from life and everyone he ever loved, then you would know how I feel and you would know that I can't—

"I can't lose another one, Carlisle," I sobbed. "I couldn't bear it."

Even as I can smell him, everlasting geraniums and almonds— Even as I can smell the sweet memory of a childhood untouched by the darkness which falls upon my present, I felt as though this comfort would end no matter how much I wished it would not.


End file.
